bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
