Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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