I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
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I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
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I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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