My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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