Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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