I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
