i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
