The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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