I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
PANTIES FOUND
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