sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
