but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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