some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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