I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
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her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
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Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.