Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity

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(847): just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity http://tfl.nu/hbyg

Replies (7) Good night (1676) Bad night (1987)
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(518): View more from New York

Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...

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(518): Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table... http://tfl.nu/njar

Replies (9) Good night (3522) Bad night (672)
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(716): View more from New York

i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...

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(716): i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control... http://tfl.nu/d926

Replies (75) Good night (1649) Bad night (4799)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.

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(715): i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign. http://tfl.nu/r2le

Replies (15) Good night (5282) Bad night (1023)
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(818): View more from California

ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.

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(818): ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate. http://tfl.nu/xbio

Replies (17) Good night (1329) Bad night (4079)
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(352): View more from Florida

My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.

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(352): My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone. http://tfl.nu/x5d3

Replies (12) Good night (1383) Bad night (4644)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat

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(978): Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat http://tfl.nu/7lwm

Replies (18) Good night (4471) Bad night (902)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car

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(202): You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car http://tfl.nu/q6jc

Replies (1) Good night (1989) Bad night (871)
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(586): View more from Michigan

Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes

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(586): Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes http://tfl.nu/g7it

Replies (3) Good night (2129) Bad night (996)
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(972): View more from Texas

Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....

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(972): Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories.... http://tfl.nu/damv

Replies (6) Good night (2451) Bad night (675)
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(818): View more from California

Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.

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(818): Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell. http://tfl.nu/vgl2

Replies (22) Good night (2490) Bad night (1256)
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(917): View more from New York City

sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.

(917): View more from New York City

that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.

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(917): sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride. (917): that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks. http://tfl.nu/bp4f

Replies (3) Good night (1687) Bad night (626)
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(714): View more from California

I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.

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(714): I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart. http://tfl.nu/nyq8

Replies (10) Good night (911) Bad night (1429)
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(417): View more from Missouri

All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"

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(417): All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?" http://tfl.nu/7ine

Replies (4) Good night (1041) Bad night (428)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.

(512): View more from Texas

And loving it.

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(504): I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week. (512): And loving it. http://tfl.nu/c8g6

Replies (1) Good night (669) Bad night (329)

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