remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
