Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed

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  (818): I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed http://tfl.nu/k0bk
  Replies (33) Good night (634) Bad night (3514)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on

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  (412): i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on http://tfl.nu/87g6
  Replies (38) Good night (5993) Bad night (994)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents

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  (904): i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents http://tfl.nu/zd1e
  Replies (60) Good night (1545) Bad night (4673)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...

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  (631): He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now... http://tfl.nu/8b9i
  Replies (12) Good night (1660) Bad night (5974)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

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  (937): There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich. http://tfl.nu/hmr5
  Replies (28) Good night (16538) Bad night (1348)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..

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  (781): i just added no after every hockey player in my phone.. http://tfl.nu/mdhx
  Replies (13) Good night (2241) Bad night (1018)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.

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  (239): Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America. http://tfl.nu/e8n4
  Replies (3) Good night (1517) Bad night (762)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!

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  (407): There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?! http://tfl.nu/z97b
  Replies (11) Good night (3011) Bad night (882)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!

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  (970): we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate! http://tfl.nu/w8sf
  Replies (1) Good night (1506) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up

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  (514): she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up http://tfl.nu/zucc
  Replies (10) Good night (1994) Bad night (920)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.

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  (973): We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness. http://tfl.nu/5j3m
  Replies (17) Good night (2645) Bad night (946)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...

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  (732): it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits... http://tfl.nu/8y9r
  Replies (8) Good night (1229) Bad night (413)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?

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  (208): My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here? http://tfl.nu/5xbh
  Replies (6) Good night (358) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit

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  (613): I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit http://tfl.nu/8e9o
  Replies (2) Good night (796) Bad night (233)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?

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  (603): Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club? http://tfl.nu/0f4q
  Replies (5) Good night (344) Bad night (256)

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