i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven