Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
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One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
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She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.