After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
