it wasn't lemon gatorade
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
