i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage