My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
