i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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