Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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