when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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