I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
