I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
