Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
