I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
