She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
