batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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