but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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