I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You made out with two different species that night
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
