You smell like a Billy Joel song
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You pole danced in your parka.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
