we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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