somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize