I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
