I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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