i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize