A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
