It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
did you just send me my own nude
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
