Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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