She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
