if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
