Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
