hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
