No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
