Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You did what with his pubic hair?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
