her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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