I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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