So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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