yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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