break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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