I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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