I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
