somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
