I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.