she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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