Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
