So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
