I will die if light touches me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.