he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
