God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
