I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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