So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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