I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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