Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
