omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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