chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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