I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
