Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
