we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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