My boss' voice literally gives me gas
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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