It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
