no, he came in my armpit
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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