Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
