her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I touched a dick in church today
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
