Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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