it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
