i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It was like getting head from an anaconda
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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