Did you just see the Batmobile???
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
