areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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