you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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