Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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