piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
