I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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