my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
