I got chris browned last night
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
