I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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