so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
