life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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