Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
In America we eat man semen.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
