you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
