she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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