At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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