my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize