Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
