my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
