barbara walters just said penis...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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